The facts, just the facts

Sgt Joe would have said; “the facts, just the facts”

Vol 1 edition 1

The bastard trying again only this time looks like it’s targeting Paul.   This first round communique is by request so after this your source will be via the link at the bottom.

1.       Preliminary diagnosis is adenocarcinoma. This type of cancer is one that normally forms in mucus-secreting glands throughout the body.

2.       Major site appears to be on the shoulder blade where all the pain has been located. Minor spots may include a spot on one lung, one area under the lung and a possible spot on one of the femurs.  These might be due to the blood clots at these locations but are suspect.

3.       Treatment is normally radiation and chemo with the occasional surgery. 

4.       Paul is not interested at this time in getting a lot of calls as he is going to have to spend a lot of time gathering and understanding all the instructions and info the oncologists are going to be throwing at him. I can appreciate how difficult this process can be and right now he needs to concentrate on that aspect.

5.       And it’s a good chance he’s not going to be checking e-mails ether, priorities are a changing.

So if there are real questions, call or email me, and I will attempt to answer them. Paul was working on how he is going to be disseminating info, he is considering a blog along with the occasional E-mail blast whenever there is something he thinks you should know.

FYI – he’s in good spirits and intend to fight this. I am sure the treatment will be aggressive and at this time he plans to attend the great expedition in July.

More info to follow as it becomes available – Send me any email addresses to include in the distribution list I am sure I do not have them all.

He will be posting the first update soon after this appears in your email box.  His blog spot is  http://pvadamsupdates.blogspot.com/

His plan is to write a first entry, but as he is soon to discover, each doctors visit may/most likely will result in additional doctor appoints. So updates might be spotty at first.  His preferred method of communication is via the blog.

--------------------------------------   what I learned from before ------------------------------------------

The Rules

If you are going to speaking to someone that’s sick, you need to know the rules. They are organized as a set of concentric rings, like a bullseye. From the inside out, it’s your relationship to the person in the center that determines which ring you are in and what you say and do.

Center – The sick one

1^st Ring – significant other/spouse and if not married, parents and primary care givers.

2^nd Ring – Siblings, sons and daughters (i.e. close family)

3^rd Ring –  Extended family, friends and neighbors

4^th Ring  – Co-workers, classmates, the butcher etc

Whoever is sick is in the middle ring. The person in the center ring can say anything they want to anyone, anywhere. They are allowed to bitch and moan. They can curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring. They don’t have to follow the rules.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in rings larger than yours.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help.

Pretty much what you should do is listen.

Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you're going to open your mouth, be sure what you are going to say is going to provide comfort and support. If it isn't, don't say it.

Don't give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice

If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you, that's fine. It's a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

If you want to help ask:

1.    Tell me what’s helpful and what’s not

2.    Tell me if you want to be alone

3.    Tell me when you want company

4.    Tell me what to bring

5.    Tell me when to leave

Most important of all the words out of your mouth should be guided by - Good in, talking to an ring smaller than yours.  If you want to say something bad, talk to rings bigger than yours.